he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
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I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
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you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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