I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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