And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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