I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
