I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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