the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
