Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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