Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She bit a glass in half.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
