Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
