I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
