ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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