have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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