Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
