I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
