So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
