I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
