I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
