I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
