Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
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You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
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I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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