Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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