Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
