I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
