I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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