Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
