Everything about him screamed your future.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
