please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Randomize
