you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
