went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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