why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
