Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
