She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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