I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
