He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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