Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
