Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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