i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I believe in your delicious
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
