Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
This baby is an asshole
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Randomize
