he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
