I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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