it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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