I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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