bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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