Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
