he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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