margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
