I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We got so high we made milksteak
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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