He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
