So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he fucked my hip out of place.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
