so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
3 2 1 whiskey
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
