totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
