You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
