dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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