how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
