So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
