3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
