we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
