So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
