Don't make out with my wife yet
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
