She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
