Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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