If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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