i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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