I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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