Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
