I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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