yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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