I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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