i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
