I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
