Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Ketchup is God's man juice
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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