I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
