I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
