I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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