Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
