Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
