You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
